Strawberry Shortcake-Martini Hybrid

Despite my best efforts in a week of elevated pain and fatigue, this week I have no exciting food recipes to offer (the results of my attempts while eaten out of defeat, really should have gone straight to the bin). Gloriously I have something else to offer: a highlight like none other... The Beginning of 2008 Summer of the Cocktail.

Inception night was a roaring success and resulted in a Strawberry Martini-Shortcake Hybrid. Inspired by drinking hole in Barcelona that served soya-based Brandy Alexander, I called in the expertise of my friend, Dr Foxy T, an ex-cocktail waitress and scientist by trade. We have pledged to have regular Cocktail Discovery Evenings. Needless to say, these nudelicious cocktails will be prioritised by their soya-based nature and use of fresh, seasonal produce. All results will be reported.

In the name of science, Dr Foxy T suggested using a control group. Being a regular Dairy Drinker (DD), she tested the mainstream version, and I, the soya-based variations. Also in the name of science, I even sipped on the DD cocktail to ensure full comparative correctness: Dairy Intolerants (DI) must not be short-changed. As you can imagine, this proved a tough night for us both.

Hypothesis:

If a cocktail is made using soya (rather than cows milk), a viable alternative will make me and a lot of other folk very happy indeed.

Conclusions:

1. Dr Foxy T and her trusty Nudelicious assistant were very happy with the resulting soya-based cocktail. Dr T admitted if offered more than one, she would rather spend an evening DI-styley.
2. The DD version (made using cow's milk and half-and-half) looked more fluffy and like a milkshake (so admittedly better) than the DI drink which separated slightly, but was not too unsightly. (I didn't even observe this emerging finding, without being apprised of the situation. A result of my apprentice status, I assure you, rather than anything else).
3. In relation to taste, the variations suited the respective drinkers very well. Dr Foxy T prefered the taste of hers up-front (more creamy) and I didn't think the DD version was all it was cracked up to be. I would opt for the lighter, more refreshing version any day.

The Recipe for Strawberry Shortcake-Martini Hybrid (for one):

Muddle (smoosh) 7 or 8 strawberries

Fill cocktail shaker with ice, then pour in:

• 1 1/4 oz vodka
• 3/4 oz amaretto
• 1oz soy (that's half-n-half for dairy drinkers)
• dash of vanilla extract

Make sure the tops on tight, then shake as vigourously and as long as you can face. The logic behind this is that it brings down the temperature of the drink (the ice will be going down the sink) and gives the strawberries an extra pummelling. With the strainer in place, decant into cocktail glass. Imbibe in small enjoyable sippages.


A word to the weary:
I find alcohol is wonderous in small quantities, but is not worth over-doing. I write this to remind myself, rather than to be a kill-joy to anyone else. Much as I hate admitting it, my symptoms can become much worse as a result, completely undermining any therapeutic effect of getting a bit squiffy. On the bright side (and you always need to look at the silver lining, even when it's really well hidden), this is a perfect reason to have a truly delicious drink when I have one. Hurray for the 2008 Summer of Cocktails and 'Quality, not Quantity'.

Fight for the right to the sweets course

Imagine you've just had a wonderful meal with friends, good company and relaxed atmosphere. As a result, you're feeling gorgeous, interesting, and possibly slightly more open to persuasion than usual as a result from being filled with terrific food. The main course is over and you're considering whether you'll be asked if you'd like a dessert. You figure you're worth it. You take a moment to imagine what delights will be listed.

That's when the dreaming stops and I remember who I am. The truth is that I am someone who adores something sweet but often feels hopelessly ill when I indulge: I feel awful shortly after, lose the entire contents of my meal (if I'm lucky) and am left with a bitter taste in my mouth, both literally and metaphorically.

More often than not, I decide I will eat at least some dessert. I tell myself this is more about wanting to believe I'm normal, rather than the result of being a glutton. Admittedly, the jury's out. One thing is certain, it makes me a fool. I remind myself once more that dessert is not worth the suffering and prepare myself to desist at the next offer of afters.

The problem is that it is the omnipresent assassins, Wheat and Dairy, are ensconced in almost every dessert (just as they infiltrate so many foods). And I don't want to skulk on the margins of society trying to avoid them. Doing so costs me my sense of freedom (and epicurean enjoyment). I'm more likely to run into the line of fire than avoid it. Principles, I tell you! What can I do but fight: fight for the right to the sweets course.

My gut tells me I must involve European Court of Human Rights: The taste-buds of the dairy- and wheat- intolerant should be no less equal than those of fully-fledged omnivores.

My reasoning cries louder. Start small. Start in the kitchen. Just start doing something. To that end, I solemly declare my commitment to this cause and promise to divulge any relevant intel, both promptly and in full, that may assist in:

• dispelling the myth that you must consign yourself to a life devoid of odd sweet indulgencies
• overturning false expectations that all people are not created equal in their enjoyment of the sweets course
• providing the masses with bespoke sweets that will bring their special meals to a confident and sated close

(cue applause)

Beets' Soya Smoothies on the Shore

Do you ever get that real hankering for a smoothie? Something packed with fresh fruit and creamy, almost like a liquid lunch. I definitely do, but also have learned to quell my yearnings, because creaminess comes at an unmentionable price to the dairy-intolerant tum. Most pre-packaged smoothies and those made freshly in cafes are made with cows milk or yoghurt. It's just another one of those things you really fancy from time to time, but learn to live without (admittedly in my case not without harbouring a small grudge).

Last week I wandered into Beets on Bernard Street. It's a kind of mini Real Foods on the Shore, but with a more delicatessen-styled interior and finish. Its the sort of place that reminds you that you really do make your own choices about how you eat, rather than invoking a more resigned feeling that can hit in some healthfood shops. It's quite small floor space, so their range is by necessity limited. They do however stock basic wheat-free staples like flours and pastas, dried fruit and pulses and fresh local veg. I particularly like a quick rummage in their 1/2 price basket for the odd cook-it-quick challenge. These provide reason enough to recommend Beets, but I digress...

Their delicious sounding menu board of their trademark smoothies, although not advertised to include soya alternatives, is willingly transformed by simply asking. Last week, I was feeling delightfully drowsy post-acupuncture, was peckish and really fancied something packed with goodness. Feeling resilient, I braved rejection and asked if I might have soya milk instead of regular yoghurt, figuring this was more than enough to ask of the catering trade. And what do you know, I was asked 'wouldn't I prefer soya yoghurt?' Wouldn't I ever! I ordered a Number 3 (Mixed berries, apple juice, banana and soya yoghurt) and it was delicious. I wasn't even asked to pay a penny more for my intolerances (£2.55 small, £2.95 large). A wave of respect engulfed me. Three Cheers to Beets.

So if you're in the area, go support this fantastic little shop that comfortably takes intolerances in its stride. It's a wonderful feeling.

Beets: 49 Bernard Street, Leith EH6 6SL (0131 476 5086). Open until 6 all week, all year (except Sundays until 5pm). It's likely to be open until 7 or 8pm during the summar months depending on custom. Beets doesn't have its own website, but is listed at http://www.leithlinks.co.uk/business/delicatessens/beets/beets.html and otherwise speaks for itself.